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Bad Writing Contest Entries

Posted on: Oct 16, 2012

As promised, we'll be posting entries for our bad writing contest as they come in!  Feel free to leave a comment below so we know which ones you like.

Some students have also let us know what genres they are parodying. 

1. (Melodrama) Oh goodness me, that man stole my hanky, and that man shall retrieve it for me!  (Damian Abrahams)

2. (Poe) Though this raven of mine held no interest in the shaven maven of my affairs, my raven made off with all the pairs of my mares; horses that is.  (Damian Abrahams)

3. (Romance) Love sick, she and I will be split forever and ever and eternity!  (Damian Abrahams)

4. (Mystery) It was an obscure and tempestuous night when I was considering the perfect synonyms for the words "dark" and "stormy."  (Sarah Black)

5. (Romance) He gazed at the irresistible, blonde, goddess of a woman as she arose from their tastefully set table and glided to the ladies room of Gaiman Restaurant, but as she did, he noticed her full breasts accentuated by the drop neckline of her scarlet Oscar de la Renta silk top; her lustfully, long legs cut off by a short Louis Vuitton skirt; her perfect, slender feet framed by her raven-coloured Jimmy Choo stilettos—he then came to the sudden realization that he was gay.  (Sarah Black)

6. Although the day began just like any other, as the weather was a good 18ºC with a mild north-westerly wind, my mood deteriorated when I counted at least three of my hairs on my shoulder and was reminded that I am already going bald at age twenty.  (Cody Davis)

7. Days never remain the same, and good and bad days both don't stay for long.  (Gantosh Garg)

8. Well, Douglas thought, perhaps mashed potatoes hadn’t been the wisest choice after all.  (Holly Craven)
9. “I’m not sure about this banana flavoured ice cream; I don’t find it to be that appealing,” said Stacy.  (Holly Craven)
10. “What a temper Marie Antoinette has; she’s always losing her head over the littlest things,” Claire declared.  (Holly Craven)

11. Ayn Rand is an excellent philosopher and an enticing writer.  (Paul Wilson)

12. "My favorite part of christmas is those cakes people send us with little bits of fruit in them!" said his daughter as they looked out upon the wild west. (Paul Wilson)

13. He squinted against the wind, a cigarette dangling loosely from chapped lips, as a tumbleweed bounced by.  (Paul Wilson)

14. It was a dark and stormy night, the kind of night you can but hope there will be the calm of the dawn.  (Liam Connelly)

15. She immediately caught his eye, and not only because her skirt was shorter than Kim Kardashian's marriage or because her tanned legs were longer than Lindsay Lohan's rap sheet.  (Camille Arends)

16. If Pentecostals are the best kissers because they are proficient at using their tongues, does it follow that Lutherans are the best lovers because they are proficient at using their organs?  (Roger Schremmer)

17. In the faraway land of living numbers, there was one number who always hated toilet jokes and puns that end with the punch line, "You're an eight!" (Roger Schremmer)

18. It was a not-so-bright and relatively damp night and our hero, also not-so-bright and relatively damp, had found a puddle in his boot.  (Amanda Pelz)

19. It was a fiery cold evening and I remember all the events of the low stakes Go Fish tournament like the back of my dead dog's paw.  (Tony Wong)

20. I thought I knew my super hero fiancée, but his addiction to sniffing the back of postage stamps combined with his love of reading children's' books with puppies should have been a sign that I should have let him go.  (Tony Wong)

21. If a haunted lampshade wasn't enough, the house that was listed also had several issues which included the leaking tomato juice from the attic, basement door that led to an alternate dimension, and a roommate who refuses to shut up during movies.  (Tony Wong)

22. "Yeah, Bieber's not bad," were the last words Roger Nubrane ever said. (Mark Drapal)

23. It was a dark and stormy night, but I wore my sunglasses anyway…because I’m Batman.  (Mark Drapal)

24. Little is known of Gassy the eighth dwarf, and he is often excluded from the familiar Snow White Narratives; this is due largely in part to his rather odd and awkward habit of passing gas every thirty seconds.  (Mark Drapal)

25. They were in love; they loved one another with a passion that swelled up like the sexual dimorphism of the Great Frigate-bird of the Galapagos Islands, but, alas, it could not be–and that is the reason–and the only reason–that she was still at the office at 8:00 on a Friday night.  (Courtney Davies)

This contest is now closed — we'll pick the winners in a few days!